blackmourning

Staying Alive!

Whoa! Feel like a zillion yrs since i pen down anytg. Niway, my hope 4 tis yr is start rite...
Rite attitude, rite mind, rite?
Wat strikes me most abt most peeps wen startg a new yr is 2 make a resolution. Wonder y i hav neva been bitten by tat bug...
Hmm...maybe nothg is set, nothg 2 be resolved...
Niway, tis yr i hav 2 start rite coz im moving up a step in my career. Glad tat i was given tat chance 2 build up on my strengths...
I guess i hav tat leadership quality in me, come on...as a mother of 5 'vunderful' kids, of coz i gotta lead em, rite?
But, like i said, d opportunity couldn't hav come @ d rite time when im mentally strong, physically fit, emotionally stable...Thx 2 my super-hubby who alwez give me a knock on my head wenever i get big-headed...
Wats more, i hav supportive grp of frens who r cooperative n willing 2 give me d extra push i needed wen im unsure of making d rite decision...
Anyhow, im determined 2 start rite, hopefully i wont get lost coz i noe, n my hubby noes, how ugly n messy it can be wen im lost.
And d most important thing is for me 2 stay alive n be lively as i can be...im staying alive!

Still dreaming...

Tat's rite. Im still dreamg. Not tat im living in my fantasy world, but im actually sleepg while awake...Make sense?

Can't rmbr wen i really had a gd nite sleep...actually i only had gd deep sleep wen it was juz me, myself n I...tat's like ages ago. Since d 5 musketeers rolled into tis world, ive given up on sleep...mostly i take naps in between chores & work.

I noe its not gd but it helps get me goin. Okies, niway, i was drivg home last nite frm work (smc meetg alwez stretch to ard 4 hrs), ard 7pm hoping tat d traffic is gd, wen i saw a vision in front of me...i dunno how 2 explain it but i was mersmerized by it. In a split sec, it was gone n suddenly tis bloody car appeard in front of me n put on d brakes. I panicked, jammed hard on d brakes but my car kept sliding forward n i knew in my heart tat im gonna kiz d car hard. Then, i heard my hubby's voice tellg me 2 apply d double-brakg. I moved into action n miz kissing d car's a**.

I was shocked n shivering all over, cant control myself, cant even move my legs. Horns were blaring n it jolted me back to reality. I pulled over 2 d shoulder n calmed myself. I dunno wat else 2 do n as if on auto, i called my hubby. Somehow i didnt say anytg abt d near-miz, juz hearg my hubby's voice soothed my nerves.

Calm n collected, i drove home wit d windows down n d music on hi-vol. Alhamdulillah, got home safely after a 60km/h crawl, cant bring myself 2 zoom across d ECP. I fell flat on my face at home n i drifted into my dreamy world...

Ironically, i had a pleasant dream n everytg tat happen seemed like another dream (or nitemare?)...I wish i will alwez hav sweet dreams from now on........

Spoke too soon...

Juz hate myself rite now... shld learn wen to keep my mouth shut.
Can't believe tat it was only 2 wks b4 wen i had a tiff wit hubby. Today we r not speakg again.
Seems like we r scheduled for bickering fortnightly. YYYY?????
Too much in my head, or maybe too absorbed in work. I dunno.
Wat i do noe is tat im driftg away frm everyone else...all i do is work.
Cant blame anyone but myself. Was i moving 2 fast?
Im on a roll n i cant slow down now...moving up is neva easy, but im not giving up.
Thank god for tat, else i'll neva be where i am now...
I dunno.
Promised 2 neva say goodbye...im having 2nd thots now.

Know Urself

November

You're trustworthy and loyal. You tend to be very passionate and dangerous.

Almost wild at times. You really know how to have fun. You're sexy and mysterious.

Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality.

You're playful, but secretive. You're very emotional and temperamental sometimes.

You meet new people easily and very social in a group. You're fearless and independent.

You can hold your own. You stand out in a crowd.

Essentially you're very smart.

Hmm...i dunno how true tis is...but i like the last bit...

Where Oh Where???

I dun understd...cld it b tat gd times dun last or gd things will alwez cme 2 an end.
Remember tat li'l fast food chain??? I said li'l coz it hadn't come close 2 McD.
Used 2 go 2 tis li't rest @ d central (back wen i was stayg in Clementi).
I hav alwez been fascinated by d big n heavy mug full of root beer float...n i fancy d fish burger 2.

Niway, i was @ work, goin bonkers by all d scripts i hav 2 grade (exam fever again!), suddenly i had a craving 4 A&W's meal. I asked ard (literally goin round n round in d staff rm), if anyone know of d nearest A&W rest. No one knew, but some one suggested sumwhere in CBD area...i was delighted n called my hubby...i wan him 2 take me there tat nite (we r alwez on d hunt for food).

Hubby said ok, so i kept my tummy empty n dream abt tat bubbly, creamy float. Cut d story short, we went in search 4 it but it was nowhere 2 b found!!!!

I was so upset n frustrated...y la u hav 2 tear d place down!!! Sheesh, i dunno where else 2 look, i was veri veri upset n hubby brought me 2 BK instead...he tried 2 rationalise tat their burgers are awesome...but nothing beats A&W meal....

Im still craving 4 tat...where oh where can u be???

Sweet!

Sweet Mama..!

Finally, found d time 2 pen sumtg...mama's day...

Actually, more of ma-kids day. Turned out my kids had a celebration coz they get everytg their hearts desire. I hav no heart 2 say no 2 em. Cld it be it was my way of compensating all those times i cldnt be wit em??? Or was it my way of justifying my MIA most of d time...

But as a mom, i simply cld not turn their needs/wants away...it's juz not rite. I hav vowed 2 gif d best 2 my kids, no matter how hard it's gonna be 4 me n hubby, i wan 2 gif everytg 2 em...so i gif n gif n gif...

Some peeps wld say i wld spoil em...so be it! They r my kids, i hav my rites n d choice is mine! Wat comes may, all i noe is i will get sweet returns...choc-smudged kisses....SWEET!

Still Here!

Still alive n kickg... hehehe...
2 many things have happened n 2 li'l time 2 spare...
Promised myself i will update wit more entries in a short a while.
Sme gd news, n sme not so gd news...

Cheerios!

Lost soul

Wat day issit today?
Sumthg is very wrong wit me...all i noe is tat im living one day at a time, not a care abt whether its weekend, or mid-week or even start of d week...
i juz keep on going on auto-mode...until one nite, while snuggling up 2 him in front of d tele, my man uttered these words, "i feel like i dun hav a wife..."
OUCH! Tat stopped me in my tracks.
I was stunned, speechless, which is very very rare for me coz i wld normally retaliate wit a quip...(must be i was tired n drained, not a single energy left in me...yes, tat's d reason!)
I sat up straight n looked him in d eyes, daring him 2 say more. Normally wen i do tat, he wld pull me close n everytg wld b okay...but tat nite he repeated those words twice wit a blank face. Felt like a gush of wind slapped my face, should hav said sumthg or question his statement, but all i did was i walked away...turned out d lites n threw myself on d bed, not wantg 2 think abt wat he said.
I had a nitemare...very gruesome n scary n weird.
I was in a black hole (thx 2 my one of my student who asked me abt tat in class)...walkg abt aimlessly, lookg for no one in particular...it was dark n eerie, not a single soul 2 be seen...
And then, saw a figure callg out 2 me...came closer n realised tat it was my reflection in d mirror. But i had no face...im no one...im a lost soul.
Or issit real???

Now or Neva...

Im fed-up. Not depressed, coz if i am then i wld need medication 2 relieve my depression.
In my case, im juz fed-up.
Hav u eva had ur needs unmet?? Then u get all moody n frustrated n u pouted frm coast 2 coast (as if by doin tat ur luck will change?!)...n then expectg sumone 2 cheer u up n get u an alternative which usually is as close as d esplanade 2 d malay village...
N then, wen u finally realize tat u hav no choice but 2 live wit tat, u accepted it gradually n life goes on as if u hav neva heard of great wall of China.
Y issit tat we learn 2 accept shortfalls???
I neva thot tat i can compromise coz i noe myself very well...
Neva settle 4 2nd best...!!!
Maybe there's sumthg in d air tat's poisoning my mind n blurring my vision n clouding my brain...

DARLG, I WAN MY JPG NOW!!!

Really OLD School

Wen was d last time i put on a full-u? Many, many yrs ago...
But tis yr during CNY celebrtn in sch, we - trs had 2 be students again...
A wholesome skit i wld say, funny - (d way we try 2 sound like teenagers again), hilarious - (d way we dressed like em...).
Niway, had a gd time coz it was all impromptu...no scripts juz jabber on, getg d cue frm one another...a gd bunch of comedians wit gd sense of humor...
Beware! Dun say i didnt warn u...View @ ur own risk...